“Marriage is not a fairy tale, its hard work.” All of us have heard this statement before our marriage and it scares the shit out of us. It’s easy to tell everyone how you got married but very difficult to explain how you stayed married. There are myths about love and marriage which misguide and desist us from gaining happiness in relationship. Overcoming hardships of relationship, satisfying your partner, and maintaining that love and affection till your last breathe is a real challenge, but it is not impossible as impossible itself says I M POSSIBLE…
Here are some secrets for happy relationship to withstand all the adverse situations of your love life and be happy.
Similarity of personality
All of us have learnt Coulomb’s law of magnetism which states “Likes repel, while opposite attracts.” I personally feel that this is not only rule of magnetism but also rule of life or I can say basic requirement to maintain harmony in a relationship.
One thing that all of us consider before we step into relationship is similarity of personality. Conclusion of one of the studies says that similarity of personality accounts for less than 0.5% spousal satisfaction. Ruling someone out because you don’t share same line of interest is huge mistake you ever make. People look for similarity in their partner because they think sharing same line of interest minimizes problems you face after marriage but this is not true only similarity that matters for a successful relationship is meta-emotions that is, how you feel about emotions. Sharing feeling of love and affection is a key to successful relationship.
Argument is healthy
We think that argument is a sign of an unhealthy relationship it shows that couple is not happy and completely satisfied. We take frequent arguments as an excuse of breakup with partner but hold on…. Have you ever looked at other side of the picture? An American researcher John M. Gottman conducted a research and concluded that Being in a relationship for more than three years and not fighting and arguing with you partner is visible sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Conclusion of one of the research says that spouse who complaint and fight with each other about small things have long-lasting relationship as compared to couples with high negativity threshold. No, I am not telling you to fight with your partner 24*7 about unnecessary things, and not talking to each other for days… No, that should not happen. Talk to your partner, argue and resolve the conflict to gain satisfaction and happiness.
Be real be you
The moment you choose to be in a relationship with person of your choice that’s the moment you say hello to problems. But remember falling in love is easy but loving same person for rest of your life and accepting your partner with all his or her flaws is what is needed for a long-term relationship. Beginning of any relationship is beautiful it gives you feeling of pleasure, unique satisfaction and calmness. As the relationship grows you come to know about each other this is the time you need to put extra efforts and try to understand each other. You can’t mold someone to be who you want them to be. So, accept each other with flaws and think about each other’s needs instead of focusing on what you want.
Focusing on limerence and keeping unrealistic expectations from your partner is a huge mistake. Have you ever thought why our ancestors used to say that arrange marriage is better than love marriage? Answer to this is, arrange marriage is free from unrealistic expectations. From beginning itself you know that it’s going to be hard so, you expect least from your partner and put extra efforts to make your relationship work. So, am I asking you to go for arrange marriage..? NO. I am just trying to sum up the fact that investment of efforts is necessity of successful and healthy relationship.
Less complaint more appreciation
Every relationship goes through a point where they think they should still be together or just part their ways. Coping up with hard times and remembering it as a good thing will glorify the efforts you have put into a relationship. All of us are vulnerable and no relationship on this earth is painless. Keeping extra baggage is not going to give you anything. Instead, remind each other how you fell in love and make those little efforts to bring the huge smile on your partners face.
Forgive and forget
Ignore each other’s mistake and forgive. Learn to move on instead of keeping it in your heart. Neglecting the relationship by keeping small things in your heart, taunting your partner about past mistakes will lead to downfall of connection with your spouse. Address problems and misunderstanding and resolve it by communicating with each other. As successful relationship is a result of hard work, commitment and understanding the importance of relationship.
Share quality time
Steal some good time from your busy schedule, and spend it with your partner without any interruption helps you to maintain harmony in a relationship. Express your feeling of appreciation with your partner and making each other feel special by reminding how much you love one another will rekindle your love.
Give some space
All of us are different from each other, balance those differences and make your relationship work. Don’t jump into each other’s privacy as everyone needs me time. Have separate activities, and then come back together to share your experiences.